Pregnancy #2 & Related fears

I always have wanted to have 3 kids. The typical 3 kids, cat and a dog, house with a white fence etc. I knew from a early age that i was most likely going to have problems getting pregnant because my cycles were just so messed up. It took 4 long years to get to baby #1. The older Jace has gotten the more and more I am wanting to start trying for baby # 2 but i feel like i cant. I am scared of having Preeclampsia and or HELLP syndrome again. I am afraid that if i do get it again it will kill me. Many times i have gone back and forth with myself, with hubby about the possibility of just not having another baby. These thoughts have even gone as far as keeping me up all night with different scenarios running through my mind. These thoughts have taken up hours and hours of daily thoughts. I have decided that i will have one more. I have not started trying yet, im still very scared and i dont feel nearly healthy enough to become pregnant right now. I wish i was. I wish i didnt have to have these fears running through my mind all the time. I envy women who can get pregnant easily and have happy, healthy pregnancies. I feel cheated. As a woman i feel that its what i am meant to do and its problem after problem. Problem getting pregnant, problems during pregnancy, problems after pregnancy. 

Statistically speaking, preeclampsia is know as "the first pregnancy condition". Often times it doesnt repeat itself in later pregnancies but at the same time it often does. I guess it all depends on other factors such as, how early or late in the pregnancy you got it, how bad did you have it etc. For me, i developed it at 35/36 weeks, i do not know how severe it would have gotten had i not already been in the hospital and gone into labor. But i do know that i got it pretty late in the pregnancy and it wasnt too horribly bad. Ive read that if you get it again it usually isnt as bad and usually will occur at a later point in pregnancy so i guess those are bonus points right? 

The only thing stopping me now is me. I know i need to get health  before i can try again but sometimes i feel so defeated that i just keep putting it off. I need to get into the right mindset and out of this zone that i am in. I have just felt so unhealthy since all of this happened and im pretty sure its not all in my head. I think it really took its toll on me emotionally and physically. 

I want Jace to have someone to grow up with. He has a older brother but they are 10 years apart and i dont think they will ever share that close bond. Its time to get my ass in gear before i hit menopause lol
This will be another journey for sure, but im up for the challange!! 

Updates & Such - Part 2 Recovery & Jaces Hospital Trips

At birth he weighed 6 lbs 5.8 oz and was 19 1/2 inches long and was the most beautiful baby i have ever seen! 

Daddy & Jace

Grandpa & Jace

Brother & Jace

Jace in the nursery after his first bath.

When i left the hospital my bp was great, my blood sugars were still a little bit elevated and i was still pretty swollen, however i was like 2 or 3 lbs UNDER my pre pregnancy weight. I was excited to be going home with my lil miracle baby. Before we left we were given a special celebration dinner from the hospital and it was amazing!

At Jace's first drs appointment he had dropped SOME weight, i cant remember the exact amount at that point but i know in total , he lost almost a lb after he was born before he started to gain again. He was pretty Jaundiced so we were sent to the lab to get his billi levels checked that day. 

He mustve been stressed because he kept pulling his hair lol

This pic shows how tiny he was and how sore i was haha

Jace - 5 days old

When he was 5 days old i noticed that he was having some pausing in his breathing when he was asleep. We called the dr and they advised us to call 911 and have him transported by ambulance back to the hospital to figure out what was going on, so we did. I have to say, i have never been so scared and sad in my whole life. This was my little 5 day old miracle and we were already on our way back to the hospital. 

When we got there they put him on monitors in the er and , long story short his oxygen levels kept dropping. At one point he became very lethargic and turned a little blue around his mouth, his heart rate and his oxygen levels dropped and he needed a little stimulation to bring him out of it. What we initially had brought him in for was referred to as periodic breathing. Apparently its very common in infants especially ones at high altitude. It is defined as a normal variation in breathing seen in infants. Basically short pauses of less that 10 seconds in their breathing. No biggie. But that wasnt all that was going on with him and im so glad that we were told to bring him in. While we were there that night, his drs office called us and told us they got his blood work back and that we needed to take him back to the hospital for billirubin being over 20. They didnt know we were already there, so we were admittied. Jace spent 24 hours under the billi light 

He was also put on oxygen because he kept Desatting as they called it, and was also having Bradycardia episodes (his heart rate dropped really low oxygen levels dropped really low) Each night they would take him off the oxygen to see how he would do and his levels would drop down in the 80s. 

They thought he was having these bradycardia issues from either being preemie and or having severe reflux. While we were in the hospital they ran multiple tests on him, blook work, ekg, 2 12 hour ph probe tests, a ultrasound of the heart to make sure there was nothing wrong there. . 

On October 13th I had to go downstairs to the er because after walking some stairs my chest got very heavy, i got dizzy and couldnt breathe well and i almost passed out. They did a ekg, chest xray, ct scan with dye a ultrasound and lab work. They were worried about cardiomyopathy or a blod clot. Everything was clear. Blood work showed my liver enzymes were still high from the Preeclampsia/HELLP syndrome and my iron levels were still low. They summed it up to be that i was over stressed , not eating right etc. So poor hubby had his son in the hospital and his wife in the er. Was not a good day. The released me to go back up to Jace but i stayed like that for a couple days :/ We were there from October 12, 2012 - October 16, 2012 he was sent home on oxygen 

On October 29 around 6 am we noticed that he was acting kinda funny, he was having some rapid eye movements , almost like REM sleep but with his eyes open. That is concerning because it could resemble seizures, so we called the doc and they told us to take him back to the er. When we got there they did more labs, and they did a ct scan. He was tiny on that big table.

 I was a mess, i kept asking god why?! I was so scared my baby was having seizures. They tried several times to get an iv in but couldnt and ended up having to put one in his head. Ugh, it was so awful, all i could do was cry and cry. The CT Scan was normal blood work was good. They called in a specialty dr who ordered a eeg to be done. We were admitted again. The eeg was done the following morning , it was awful seeing him hooked up to all those wires was awful! 

The wait to get he results back was awful! I was tired of being in the hospital, i was tired of worrying about my baby. The test showed normal brain activity no seizures. I guess it was just some sort of rem sleep cycle. We were discharged on Halloween and he was still on oxygen at that point , but he was home! <3

Jaces First Halloween! 

Updates Part 3- Coming soon! Goodnight Everyone! 

Brittany 

Life Updates & Such Part 1 - My Pregnancy after Infertility

Wow, where to even begin!? The last couple updates that i made were, hey im finally pregnant and look i had the baby! lol So, i guess ill start there. 

This Blog is more intended for my fellow Cysters and TTC community since i didnt really follow up with you all! 

I found out i was pregnant and i was ecstatic and scared. I remember being so scared that i would almost tip toe when i walked and refused to sneeze, all because i was afraid i would "dislodge" the baby! LOL It all didnt seem real to me, i mean we had tried for 4 years and i wont even lie, there were times that i doubted that i would ever get my miracle. The day that i took the test, hubby was away working, it was 7 20 in the morning. I took a digital test and it was 11 DPO , i stood there in the bathroom staring at the test waiting for the expected yet dreaded words "not pregnant".

This was the first cycle ever that i had used a ovulation kit. We used the clearblue digital test. Of course hubby was against them because they were expensive but i won the fight haha. At the same time i was using fertilaid and preseed. For about a week i would pee on that stick only to get a empty circle, no smiley face and i was getting discouraged. Then one day, IT SMILED AT ME!!! lol i ran into the kitchen and i told Geromy look, he has a face he has a face!! i was excited, this meant my body was doing something right!! lol 

Fast forward to about 9 days after the positive test. Something was up. Hubby had bought me a iced coffee and i SWORE he had dumped rum in it lol! So not logical or anything but it tasted like alcohol, i even accused him of doing it, he thought it was nuts. The next day (10 dpo) i took another ovulation test because i had heard that they could be used as pregnancy tests, no smiley. Oh well. The next morning i took my digital test and it said PREGNANT omg guys, i will NEVER forget that feeling, I was shaking sooooo bad i took a pic and sent it to Geromy. 

He didnt respond so i waited about 15 minutes and called him and told him to check his messages and call me back. He did and apparently he was so excited he hugged his co worker! lol I wish he would have been home that day but it was exciting anyways! 

I dont want to go into too much detail and bore you all to death, so i will just highlight my pregnancy (for those of you who dont already know) For those of you who already know, feel free to wait for the next blog lol 

My estimated due date was Nov 1, 2012 based on LMP but Nov 7 based on ovulation

At 6 weeks i started bleeding, went to er , turns out i had a subchorionic hemorrhage , bled off and on for a few weeks 

HCG levels rising but not doubling, 2nd time i was convinced i was losing the baby :( 

7 weeks saw the heartbeat after i thought i wouldnt! Best feeling in the world <3 

12 weeks diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes , referred to Maternal Fetal Medicine

 I had a lot of ultrasounds and regular testing . I knew i was at a high risk due to pcos , the gestational diabetes etc. 

18 weeks, its a boy!! 

Around 25 weeks i developed Polyhydramnios ( too much amniotic fluid ) Most likely was due to the gestational diabetes, more monitoring.

Around 33/34 weeks i started to not feel right. Just really sluggish and bleh.

At my 34/35 ,  week check, Oct 4th  i told the dr i thought i had been contracting, she checked me, surprise! 4 cm dilated and 90 % effaced 

October 5 Woke up with bad headache, stayed all day, checked bp , was elevated, i had been swollen for a few weeks.  Admitted to L&D for 24 hour urine collection

October 6th 5:30 in the morning, i started contracting and was in active labor, 5 cm dilated. 

Started pitocin, broke waters which seemed to gush forever because there was SO MUCH. i looked like i was having twins lol. 

I was doing great with contractions but kept being pushed to make a decision on epidural so i just went with it, when they put it in, my bp shot up, i couldnt stop shaking, so cold, couldnt breathe started to panic. I think at one point my bp shot up to 200 something over 110 or so, came back down quickly. 

2 p.m or so Started pushing , 4:08 pm Jace was born, he was just so perfect and i was so in love with him! 

The next morning my dr informed me that i was developing severe preeclampsia and i guess partial HELLP syndrome (ill talk more about that later.). At that point my bp was normal and i was doing fine other than the massive pain i was in. Jace and i were discharged the normal 48 hours after birth. 

I will do a 2nd update soon. Right now i need to get off my butt and clean the house!! lol 

Brittany