Thursday, January 19, 2012

TTC ramblings

Im still trying to get back into this whole blogging thing. Trying to come up with ideas on what to post about and such, it used to come so easily to me. Now i literally sit here and think and think and think to come up with ideas. So i suppose today i will just talk about the random things i would have been posting, had my computer not crashed and burned on me last year. I'll start with most recent and work my way back.

I will warn you, if you are not in the ttc-infertility-pcos group, some of these things are things that you might not want to read. But seeing as how im sure MOST of you are here goes...

Sex and TTC

Im pretty sure im not the only one who realizes that ttc takes almost all the fun, passion, and excitement out of sex. It starts to feel more and more like a chore as the weeks, months, and years go by. It will be four years in April since we first started ttc and sadly, its a rareity that we just have spotaneous , un aimed sex! Aound ovulation time.. things get awkward, theres nothing like some good old fashioned please take your pants off whether you want to or not because its that time, sex.
And then theres the" omg honey, you should see my CM this month, its soooo stretchy! (not the most romantic way to initate baby dancing)  lol Anyways, one day this will all be worth it.

I started taking Fertilaid a couple months ago. Wasnt sure how it was going to work out for me but i decided to give it a try. First month i took it i took it in combination with Fertil CM. Not only did i have what i think to be my first EWCM, but it knocked my cycle down to 28 days exact. Nothing better than being able to use a all natural supplement and having it do the same thing birth control pills do but not taking away your fertility, but actually enhancing it! I love it so i orderd more this month. Today is CD 29 though, and still nothing. Waiting to test though because i dont think i could stand another dissapointment right now.

 I am trying my best to stay strong and to keep hope but its just been so long of trying and i cant help but wonder, whens it my turn??? I have stopped taking all meds except the fertilaid, so no anxiety meds, no sleeping meds, all in attempts to help my fertility and to make sure in case i get pregnant that i do not harm the baby. This is hard for me to do because i have a severe anxiety disorder that prevents me from sleeping because im too worried. So i bought some melatonin thinking that it would be an all natural supplement to help me sleep and would be perfectly safe, WRONG! Melatonin actually can inhibit you from ovulating due to the effects it has on your reproductive hormones andddd it can cause some types of birth defects in the first trimester *sad face* that was my only hope for naturally helping with sleep. So the last couple nights i have manged to get to sleep but only for like 5 or six hours and i dont feel like it was good sleep if that makes any sense.

My patience seems to be running thin lately. TTC is for sure taking its tole on me. Im just tired of it. Now i dont mean that i will stop ttc because i will not stop until i get my miracle but emotionally im tired. TTC is more than just timing sex right, charting, pills, its a emotional roller coaster. The hopes and signs each month thinking, this is it.. and then the dreaded BFN. Its seeing others getting their BFPs and trying to sooo hard to be happy for them and not jealous. Its walking near the baby isles in the stores and feeling hopeless and sad and essentially even crying. Its seeing pregnant women every where you go and wishing it was you. Its anger, its hope, its faith, its everything all wrapped up into one. I will continue to pray and know that god has a plan for me  and that one day it will happen. Even if i am blessed with just once child , i will feel like the luckiest woman in the world. <3

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Sherwood Pictures-Fireproof, Facing the giants & Courageous

The first sherwood pictures film that i saw, or ever even heard about was fireproof. This movie alone has and still continues to change my life and my marriage. This movie is about a couple whose marriage is failing, a place where i myself have been, more than one time. Anyways to sum it up the husband takes a challenge from his father, the love dare. In the love dare it shows him, how to love and honor god as well as his wife and ultimately changes his life and his marriage. This movie is a great movie and i truly believe that every married couple everywhere, should see it... at least once. However when i feel things are getting rough in my marriage i watch it, sometimes more than once and it gives me faith that i have never had before.

The next sherwood pictures movie i heard about was Facing the giants. I saw the preview for FTG on the fireproof disk and hubby and i decided to order it. The movie is about a high school football coach whose car breaks down, hes not making enough money in his job, hes about to get fired because his team keeps failing, and his wife and him are going through infertility because of problems on his end.  Again, with a faith in jesus and god, he pushes through it all. Its a very powerful and emotional movie that again, gives me more faith than i have ever had.. Its a must see, especially for those who are TTC.

A few weeks ago, i started to hear about the latest sherwood pictures film, Courageous. I was soo wanting to see it so we rented it last night, it just came out yesterday on DVD. This movie is about A father and a police force team trying to be the best fathers they can be in the eyes of god. This movie is sooo inspirational and i just love it. Sherwood pictures movies are just getting better and better all the time. Everyone who is a father should see this movie. :)

Anyways to sum it all up, i would like to say that these movies have totally and completly changed my life, forever. They have encouraged me to seek and find, jesus and gave me a very strong faith and love for him and God. I have learned to trust him with everything in my life and since doing so, and since praying i feel that i have a deeper peace in my life than ever before. I am happy. So, a bigggg thank you to sherwood pictures for changing MY LIFE AND MY MARRIAGE AND MY FAITH all the way from georgia.

Again these are must see movies for everyone who needs a little inspiration in their lives. Thats all for now... god bless you all. <3

Monday, January 16, 2012

its been a longg time

Hey everyone! Its been such a long time since i have posted here. I apologize, but the good news is, im back! Just a quick update, we are still ttc. I am currently on fertilaid which seems to be helping to regulate my cycles. Thank God! I will continue to stay on them, probably till menopause at this point lol. Its coming up on 4 years in April since we first started ttc. This year however, im feeling extra hopeful that our time is coming soon. I believe that with God all things are possible! Me and Geromy are doing great as of right now, we did have a brief separation in August but again, we managed to pull through it! Here are a few recent pictures taken since i have been out of the blogging scene...
Maddie and Maizey, our new twin kittens, Unfortunatly we no longer have Kloud, he ran away from home when we moved in May of last year.
Me :) After i lost about 25 lbs that i gained in 2011.

Well i just wanted to post a quick update. I will be posting again very soon! hope everyone is doing well!!