Friday, January 7, 2011

Dont like my design

I am so indecisive lol. I wanna change my design for this page. Like really make a lot of changes to it. I know i do it too much but i just wanna make it the best that i can and i learn more everyday about webpage design. So sorry in advance if the page is off or not working properly. 

Thursday, January 6, 2011

A poem on PCOS


I wonder why these things happen to me,
I carry around a silent killer you see.

This could be a death sentence you know,
Since there is no cure, off to treatment I go.

Decisions decisions, tons to make,
Which kind of medicine do I take.

We endure the needles, tests, and exams
In hopes to feel healthy and normal again

Its odd to see that Drs don't know much more than me
For I have researched this disease too you see.

Several symptoms big our self esteem down
So don't be surprised when we wear a frown.

We need lots of support as each day goes by
Even if its someone we love calling to say Hi

The road that must be traveled is long and winding
But we keep on with hopes of a cure in hiding.

Day to Day, Meds to Meds
All the silly or odd things running thru our heads.

I'm going to keep fighting oh yes, in deed because this is what my LIFE,
my future, and my family needs

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Here without you baby

"Im here without you baby, but your still on my lonely mind, i think about you baby, and i dream about you all the time, im here without you baby, but your still with me in my dreams, and tonight its only you and me"
That song gets to me everytime. But really it says it perfectly. I dream about my baby all the time, usually its a boy. He is so cute and perfect and usually looks the same everytime i dream about my baby. It may sound crazy to some people and others know exactly what i mean. When im dreaming its all so real to me and i know that one day my dream will be a reality therefore i have decided that i will never give up until its real. Im usually not one to give up anyways. So if i have to spend the next 20 years trying i will. PCOS may have been making things harder and making it feel almost impossible but i think its just there to make me really cherish a miracle when it finally happens. PCOS is making my life hell is some areas, well alot of them really. My hormones get so out of whack that i cant even think straight sometimes. I get so moody. I have constant pelvic cramps that totally suck. The hair keeps growing in in places that it shouldnt. I hardly eat and yet i still gain the weight. My face breaks out like im a hormonal teenager just hittin puberty. Ugh it just sucks. But i have decided that i will not let it take over my life or define who i am. Its just another block in the road which life is full of. Hope you all have a wonderful day, and no matter what, always stay positive :)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

ugh, whats wrong with me

Ok i guess its about that time again where i am feeling just horrible about everything. So im sorry in advance if you read this only to wish you wouldnt have. Im having so many issues right now and i dont even know where to begin. First the word relaxation is not even in my dictonary. I dont know the last time that i felt relaxed and comfortable and im not sure why that is. I could be sittin doing nothing at all and im still tense and uptight and worrying my butt off. Not just about any one thing in particular, just EVERYTHING. I constantly feel like crud, im guessing i can thank PCOS for that one. Never have any energy to do anything anymore. I cant even sleep unless i take some sort of sleep aid and even then sometimes i cant or i wake up throughout the night. When i lay down to go to sleep something inside my head switches over to thinking mode and i cant turn it off!!!!

Infertility /PCOS journey link updated

Hey all, i just wanted to let you know that my link "infertility journey" at the top of the page is not updated. I posted my PCOS and Infertility story. Feel free to read it. Hope you all are having a wonderful day so far and i will be back later to write more.

Monday, January 3, 2011


Now that i know its too late to say that i wanna stay in the study, im starting to stress alot about getting pregnant. Im hoping this this cycle will work, currently on cd6 and day 4 of the clomid and i just dont know what i will do if i doesnt work this month. I kept telling myself that i would just keep charting and temping in every attempt to make sure that we dont miss ovulation, but what if ovulation doesnt happen? what if this study was my only shot at getting pregnant? I have found today that im more stressed than usual about this and kinda feel like im starting to get depressed about it. Why is it that women have to go through infertility like this when our bodies are designed to make babies to keep "life" going? its just not fair and im getting very frustrated with all of it. Am i not meant to be the one thing that i want to be most? ugh :( idk anymore. I dream all the time about having a baby and while im dreaming, its all so real. And then, i wake up feeling more and more sad everytime i realize that it was just a dream. I have so much love for a baby that i dont even have and wonder if i ever will. My life feels so incomplete right now and i hate it. When will it be my turn? I am trying to hard to not to turn bitter and angry over all of this but sometimes i just cant help it. I dont feel like i deserve this. I am mad. I am sad. I am devastated.  Sorry if this was a depressing post but its just how im feeling right now.
Night all.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Happy new year, 2011

My first post of 2011! Woo hoo im very excited to start a new year and am praying that things go better this year than they did the last. Last year wasnt as bad as some years that i have gone through but it is def not what i would consider a good year thats for sure. This year my hopes and dreams are as follows:
Get pregnant!!
Better my relationships
Learn to eat a healthier diet
Get my Bc Designs busniess really going
and many many more things. I dont wanna set my expectations too high for myself only to feel like a failure if i dont accomplish all the things that i wanted to. Thats why i call them "my hopes for 2011".
Tommorrow i am going to start some kind of workout routine to hopefully help with my infertility issue that i face again this year. My plan is to start out working out at least 2 or 3 days a week and go from there. I am currently on CD 5 and day 3 of clomid, my last round of it. I am soo hoping that it works for us this round, what a way that would be to start the new year huh?!
Nothing much has really been going on the last few days, i redesigned my blog design page! In my opinion it looks great :) I have had a toothache thats been causing a headache that just makes me miserable. Ugh. Watched some new movies over the last few days. Other than that, nada!
Night all.