Saturday, October 16, 2010

Update and rambles

So yesterday i went in for my blood tests so that i could get back into the study. I have hard to find veins, so i usually just tell the medical people to take it out of my hand, usually they do but this time she wanted to try one in my arm ok fine, well she blew the vein in it like i could see my vein dissapering. Hmmm that was fun, so she ended up still having to take it out of my hand. Ouch. I look like i was abused lol Anyways, she will have my results back on monday and then she will call in my prescription for provera to induce my period. Im hoping i dont have to take that and it will just come on its own. anyways, After that i go in for my baseline vistit to get my fertility meds, my journal things, and then , well, i just go at it lol. Im super excited to get started with all this. I think the coolest thing would be to get my + test around christmas!!
I would just like to vent about how much is sucks having PCOS. the pills, the tests, the infertility and mood swings, i could go on forever. Im not trying to throw myself a pitty party im just sayin. lol. It gets old. I wish it would just go away. But i know thats not going to happen, so all i can do is fight like hell. I can deal with all the crappy side effects, after i have my babies. Thats my biggest problem in all this. Somtimes i do feel sorry for myself but ive learned that this will not get me anywhere. So, all i can do, is fight. I wish i didnt have to spend my life fighting for the simple things in life but i guess that was gods plan for me, to make me a stronger person.
it pisses me off to see women who just pop out kids and dont even care. Or the ones that get pissy over the positive test that i would kill for. The ones that throw their babies in trash cans like they are nothing. Or the ones who get pregnant on accident with their boyfriend or husband and think that its not a conveint time in their life so they kill it. Its soo heartbreaking to me. So please all of you that have babies, cherish them. They are a gift from god and are so innocent. They just want to be loved and live. Ok enough of my emotional ramble now. Have a good night :)





Blog challenge day 7- your day

Warning, this could be boring. lol
I woke up and like idk, 11 maybe? Cooked breakfast, ate it. then i cleaned a bit. Im not sure if i watched tv or not when u get this bored its kinda hard to remember what u did. lol. anyways, i sat online for quite some time. i went to wal mart. heres a list of what i got
Milk
A chicken
lunch meat
Life cereal
Strawberry syrup
Shredded cheese
Sour cream
Air wick plug in refills
Haha that was fun. Then i came home and cleaned some more. i ate dinner. Got online. Played games with the hubby. Well here i am. Lol my sister is really bored so im trying to give her something to do so im updating my blogs! Love ya Rhi!

Blog challege day 5- your definition of love

My definition of love is so hard to explain. Most people dont know how to explain love. But heres what i think. Love is a wonderful thing, but its definitly not like they make it out to be in movies. The movies set our expectations to high because love is not always bliss and happily ever after. Love is when you can pretty much hate someone but at the same time love them more than anything. Its when you can go through the good times and the bad and your love only gets stronger. Love is when your other is happy your happy when they are sad your sad. Thats how i feel with my husband, when hes not happy, oddly enough im not either. When you really love someone you will go out of your way to make them happy. Their happiness most of the time is more important than yours. You will risk everything for love. love is blind so youll probably do crazy things. love is being selfless patient and understanding. Love is so many things really. Its incredible.

blog challenge day # 4- what you ate today

HAHA well since i have been a slaker the last few days ill just tell ya what i ate today, this should be fun.  I woke up this morning and i made breakfast burriotos with ham bacon eggs hash browns and cheese, So i had one of those with a vitamin water. Then the next thing i ate was a lil of hubbys pork burrito lol weve been on a burrito kick lately. For dinner? Yup u guessed it, a breakfast burrito. I made a lot lol. I just had a pink popcicle too. Wow what a healthy eating day huh? lol lol

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Thoughts

The thoughts of pcos have been heavy today. Some days are just harder than others. I find that in order to cope with having pcos i obsess over it. I cant help it. Its become part of who i am and it has forever changed my life. It has made me angry, sad, worried, scared, hurt and sick. However it has done may positive things in my life. It has made my relationship with god so much stronger. It has made me a better person. It has made me realize that the only thing that i can do is have faith. Have faith that god has a plan for me and i just have to wait. Pray and wait. I dont understand why this is happening to me but i have met a lot of wonderful, supportive people, i have come to find more peace in life. Its so odd that having something so horrible can bring great things as well. I have noticed lately that when im in the shower my hair comes out in globs. Like not big chunks, just a lot of hair. Today is botherd me more than most times i notice it. I cried for quite sometime. Its so horrible what pcos does to women and to think there is no cure is just devastaing. I fear that i will become bald, huge, nasty and childless. I know thats not the thinking that i should have but i cant help but fear that.
Oh and by the way i POAS twice this month, u guessed it. It was negative. I just sat there on the toilet and stared at that ugly negative test for about ten minutes. Then when i got up i help it close to the light to make sure there was not a line, no such luck, i was tempted to take it apart to. LOL i resisted the urge, however i have done that before!! hahaha   On a much brighter note, i got my biopsy and colposcopy results today. No cancer! No dysplasia! That made me so happy and so releived. I can now get back into the pcos study and hopefully get my lil miracle i have been waiting so long for. Letrozol or clomid, i will not know , all i do know is no matter which one it is, i hope it works!!!!
I have stuck to what i said in my last post. I have drank nothing but vitamin water and smart water for like the last four or five days! woo hoo go me right?! it has been very hard for me not to go to the store and buy a monster java, let me tell you. My next step will be to cut out all the sugary carbs haha look out world. Well thats it for now. Thanks for reading and have a great night


Monday, October 11, 2010

Blog challenge day 3- your parents


My Dad's name is Delane. My step mom her name is Dale.
Dale, passed away November 30, 2007 after a long struggle with auto immune hepatitis that turned into a rare form of cancer after her liver transplant that she got. Dale was one of the strongest people that i have ever met, never complained of pain even though we always knew she was in more pain than most people would be able to handle. Dale was only in our lives a short but sweet five years. She made such an impact on mine and my dads life, really on anyones lives that she ever met. My dad met her sometime in 2002 after we first moved to Colorado from Arizona. He was dating her only about two weeks before he found out sick she was so he moved her and her 13 year old son into our home to take care of her because none of her familiy would at this point. I beleive that Dale was sent as a blessing to us as we were sent as a blessing to her to take care of her and give her love while she went through this terrible time in her life. I love you Dale, miss you always.
My Dad has always been there for me, truthfully he even taught me how to shave my legs and straighten my hair lol. Ive always been daddys girl. I remember when i was little i would go to work with him (he does construction) with my lil tikes plastic tool set and try and help him work. I remember going to get "thrifty" ice cream with him all the time, i got cherry chocolate :). He and my Mom spilt up when i was about 8 years old. Things arent always meant to last forever and i quickly accepted that. My dad raised a lil girl the best he knew how, telling me about boys, and all that fun other stuff and i know that must have been hard on him, Thanks dad! lol. My dad has worked in construction for about 30 years now and he is one of the hardest workers i know.
My dad gave up everything to take care of Dale and her son and i think it is truly the most amazing thing that he has ever done in his life. It changed him forever, finding dale, loving dale, losing dale. Me and my dad dont always get a long but i believe thats because we are so much alike :) I love you dad!

My moms name is Doreena, Wow i have a lot of people in my life thats name starts with a "D", lol anyways. My mom lives in grand junction colorado about 5 hours away from me. :( thats too far in my opinion. Thats actually where a majority of my family lives, i just could never live there, im not a fan, no offense guys! lol. My mom is one of the funniest people ever and has a great personality and at the same time always knows how to make me feel better when im worried or when im down. My mom has gone through a lot in her life as well and i look up to her for that. It lets me know i can get through anything that life throws my way. Im like her in a lot of ways too,i always thought i looked like my dad but as i get older i look like her more and more everyday, arent i lucky! we some hot chicks!! haha i love you mom!


Sunday, October 10, 2010

Blog Challenge Day 2- your spouse

  
I met Geromy in Febuary of 2007 on My Space. Lol yes on my space. I had just went through an incredibly bad break-up and i was REALLY hating men at the time. So the poor guy, without knowing, emailed me out of nowhere just to say hi. Well i spent the next two hours on messenger complaining and talking crap about men in general, you woulda thought that would have been enough to scare him, but nope! he wanted to talk more! Crazy guy lol. We started texting back and fourth and he always kept trying to get me to go meet him but i wouldnt. I dont know why, i think i was scared. I always had a feeling that something would come out of it and i was scared of being hurt. So, i always would make up some excuse as to why i wouldnt. Finally, April 20, 2007 i decided to just do it. We went to a party at a friends house. It was odd, we stood on oppisite ends of the room lol. We didnt really even talk.. well then the alcohol started kicking in and i think that broke the ice! We had a goodtime, well until we ended up in the er but we dont need to talk about that right now haha.


We kept seeing each other every single day. Geromy said he wasnt ready for a relationship and i just said ok and agreed, he kept saying it. The odd thing is that i wasnt even asking for one. HAHA he was trying to fight himself. Well two weeks after meeting he decided that he wanted to make it official :) Two weeks after that, we moved intogether.
Im not going to go into every single detail of things because i really dont have time to sit here and write a book lol. We got engaged in like Feb 2008 married on April 25th 2008.


Weve been through a lot in our relationship and marriage. But now at this point in time i think we are stronger than we have ever been. I truly feel that god intended for Geromy to be in my life because no matter what he has done i am able to see through all the bad parts of everything. Something ive never been able to do. He is my world, My love, My everything. Im not sure that he knows that , but he is.
Geromy is a  very unique person that takes a lot of getting used to. LOL Thats one thing i love about him. He is so different from everyone else. I dont think i have ever been with someone who i actually felt loved me the way that he does. I know its unconditional with him. I now know that there is almost nothing that can break us. We have been through a lot in these last 3 and a half years, more than most couples go through in years of marriage. Anyways, that about sums it up. I love you Geromy Michael Christman! Your my world. You are my happy ending.



BBT Lessons!

HAHA i needed some humor and came across this today, i so can relate.


BBT Lessons

Wake up at and swing your arm at your bedside table until you find your basal thermometer. Stick the right end of it in your mouth, in the exact same position everyday, and try to stay awake for five minutes. As you begin to wake up, realize how badly you need to urinate and try to resist the urge without squirming too much. Mentally tell yourself, "Just relax, it'll work out" -- chances are you'll hear that a few times today. Try to read the thermometer in the dark while your spouse continues to sleep. When that fails, take it into the bathroom with you. Sit on the toilet and position yourself to either pee in a cup or on a stick. If you're really good, try to squirt a little out first. Give yourself extra points if you manage to do this routine without overfilling your cup or splashing a test window. While you wait, check your genitals for mucus. If you're lucky enough to find some, play with it! Look at it, feel it, stretch it. When you're done, pick up your scientific-looking form and chart your findings. Compute the data, and mutter to yourself, "You're probably just not trying hard enough" -- it won't be the last time you hear that today. If the calculations add up, go back into your bedroom and convince, cajole, and beg your spouse to have intercourse -- and all the while remember not "to let the spontaneity go out of your sex life." After you're done, prop your buttocks up so it's higher than the rest of your body and lay there for a half hour. Figure out exactly how you're going to stay in that position for so long and still have time to shower, dress and have breakfast before you have to leave the house at . Say aloud, "If you can't even manage to do this, how will you ever manage parenthood?" -- another comment you'll get at some point during the day. When you finally make it out the door, remind yourself that, "This is the easy part" -- you'll hear that later as well. Give yourself a pat on the back for not only completing 5 a.m. chemistry class, but for also getting yourself ready for pop quizzes in interpersonal communication!