Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Thoughts

The thoughts of pcos have been heavy today. Some days are just harder than others. I find that in order to cope with having pcos i obsess over it. I cant help it. Its become part of who i am and it has forever changed my life. It has made me angry, sad, worried, scared, hurt and sick. However it has done may positive things in my life. It has made my relationship with god so much stronger. It has made me a better person. It has made me realize that the only thing that i can do is have faith. Have faith that god has a plan for me and i just have to wait. Pray and wait. I dont understand why this is happening to me but i have met a lot of wonderful, supportive people, i have come to find more peace in life. Its so odd that having something so horrible can bring great things as well. I have noticed lately that when im in the shower my hair comes out in globs. Like not big chunks, just a lot of hair. Today is botherd me more than most times i notice it. I cried for quite sometime. Its so horrible what pcos does to women and to think there is no cure is just devastaing. I fear that i will become bald, huge, nasty and childless. I know thats not the thinking that i should have but i cant help but fear that.
Oh and by the way i POAS twice this month, u guessed it. It was negative. I just sat there on the toilet and stared at that ugly negative test for about ten minutes. Then when i got up i help it close to the light to make sure there was not a line, no such luck, i was tempted to take it apart to. LOL i resisted the urge, however i have done that before!! hahaha   On a much brighter note, i got my biopsy and colposcopy results today. No cancer! No dysplasia! That made me so happy and so releived. I can now get back into the pcos study and hopefully get my lil miracle i have been waiting so long for. Letrozol or clomid, i will not know , all i do know is no matter which one it is, i hope it works!!!!
I have stuck to what i said in my last post. I have drank nothing but vitamin water and smart water for like the last four or five days! woo hoo go me right?! it has been very hard for me not to go to the store and buy a monster java, let me tell you. My next step will be to cut out all the sugary carbs haha look out world. Well thats it for now. Thanks for reading and have a great night


1 comment:

  1. Britanny¡¡¡ most of us have this bad days...but we are still here fighting..for one bad day we have 3 good, think about this...bad days are when you make the pregnancy test and is negative, when you start to see your hair thining, then we begin to have very negative thinking and we have to turn them down for more positive ones¡¡¡ It is right that God has a plan for you, no doubt, but also think that nobody is coming to fix your problems, it is you that have to start the changes and you are doing very well, smell steps takes you to reach your objetives, one day no coke drinks, good you done it, next ones no simple carbs, steps you know you can reach and make you feel more secure for the following steps to come¡¡¡

    ReplyDelete