Sunday, March 27, 2011

computer crashed and burned

well i was planning on updating my blog but the computer decided that it didnt wanna work any more so now i am writing this from my cell so i will make it short and sweet. basically i have gained a crap load of weight rapidly like thirty pounds in a few months. in turn my periods stopped i think i am on cd 59. this makes ttc impossible so after whining to my dr and making him listen to me he put me on metformin. i will start it sometime this week and will be working my way up to 2000 mg. i am hoping this will help me lose the weight and bring on ovulation. i never thought that i would kill to have the body that i had only four months ago that i hated so much. i guess it goes with the saying, you dont know what you got till its gone. my ultimate goal is to be at a size 13 to 15 in juniors because i am so tall. i stopped drinkin soda a month ago and have been eating what i consider to be right. so wish me luck

Tuesday, March 8, 2011


So after the rash started going away a couple days ago i thought i would be feeling fine, wrong again! Last night both me and hubby started getting some odd coughing thing and it sucks. This morning i woke up and feel like someone beat me in the chest with a baseball bat. Sad, I know. For some odd reason i just thought it was part of the strep throat and i would have to deal with some of the symptoms despite being on antibiotics since weds. today was my last day of the z pack and truthfully i feel worse now then when they told me i had "strep". I dont think i ever really got to feel the effects of the strep throat because they caught it as i was getting it or something. Anyways. My mom pointed out the obvious to me, strep doesnt go into your chest. I said to myself, duh brittany lol. I knew that. haha. so i called the drs and got an emergency appointment to find out whats going on. I went in a  115. First thing noticed, my bp was high, 142/90. thats especially high for me because my normal is like 118/19 ish. So this was quite scary. Then, again i told them that my arms, legs, feet and ankles are still very swollen. I took my last dose of prednisone yesterday but they are  still swelling. So the cause of the swelling , weight gain, {15lbs in 5 days} and the high bp is from the prednisone and i just have to wait it out. Until it leaves my system i will remain this way :( As far as being sick goes, they think its a viral upper respiratory infection. They wanted to do a chest x ray but i didnt think that i needed that.  So , the drs orders?? Bed rest, water, tylenol, ibuprofen, mucinex, water and lots of sleep. Keep my feet elevated and stay off them to keep the swelling under control. Right now i just feel crappy all together. I keep coughing but nothing will come out. Its just stuck there. :( I got two hours of sleep last night. I think that mostly due to anxiety.
Today is decided to finally take a HPT. i have been worried lately with all the meds that i have been given. What if i am preggo... etc... well for the first time in a very long time i was actually releived to see a BFN. I would have been very scared had it been positive. Well thats pretty much it for now. Im going to go lay in bed and hopefully sleep and get better soon. Night night.

Sunday, March 6, 2011


....Is all i can say. This has been the crummiest week i have had in such a long time. {read post below}
I am not starting to really feel the strep. Cough, sinus issues, congestion. Im still a bit itchy and my feet are still very swollen. I think they are swollen because of 1, the allergic reaction, and 2, Because of the steriods for the reaction. So im retaining a lot of water. Sucks. Today was the last day of having to take the prednisone. Thank god. I do not like what those pills do to me. No matter how crappy i feel , when i take them i have a butt load of energy so im  running around cleaning and sweating even though i prolly should be in bed. Its cold outside apparently but i wouldnt know that because im sweating like crazy. Right now i have all the windows open, the heater off and it looks like its about to snow. Luckily no one is home to witness this madness lol.
I have one more day of antibiotics for the strep. I really think they caught the strep very early which is good but im still feeling crappy. Hubby is catching it now as well.  I am still taking the benedryl sometimes because i am still a bit itchy at times. No more welts or hives though. Very good, because that was some scary scary $h!t! I have never had a reaction like that before in my life and i truly beleive , had i not went back to the er the second time, I might be dead. :( So right now i am finishing up some cleaning and then i think im going to lay in bed with my feet elevated for the night in the best attempt to get this nasty swelling to go away. its prolly where i should be anyways. But like i said, the steroids make me go go and go.
Its funny how somethng like this could totally make me not think about ttc at all. Something that is usually on my mind 24/7. I havent been thinking about it whatsoever. Probably a good thing though becuase it was making me nutty. lol. Well im off for now. Will update more later. Hope everyone had a great weekend! :)

Friday, March 4, 2011

A break down of my horrific week- Bactrim

This week has been horrible. And i mean that in the strongest way possible. Ill just start out with where i beleive it all began.  Jan 21 i was prescribed bactrim for an infected wisdom tooth. I had taken bactrim one time before. Last year for a myseterious rash that no dr could diagnose. Dont remember having any trouble with it then.  On Jan 28 i went to the er for really bad heart palpitations. So bad that my heart was skipping three and four beats in a row. Dont really know what caused it. Drs told me to keep taking my bactrim and to follow up with my dr. The heart palpitations went away within about two days so i didnt think much of it. I just thought that maybe the Vicodin had caused it so i didnt take it again. I stopped taking the bactrim about 6 days into the ten day treatment because i really didnt feel like i needed them anymore.
{Fast forward}
I think it was Feb 25th or so, the toothache got so bad that i decided to start taking them again. Maybe the infection wasnt gone after all. I think i was only taking one a day at this point trying to see if it would help All was going well until...
{fast forward again}

This Monday i was really tired because i hadnt slept right for almost a week because of the toothache. Everytime i would lay down i would be in some horrible pain. Anyways monday night before i went to bed i started itching a bit on my tummy. Didnt think to much of it.
Tuesday morning: I woke up and had a little red bump on my right breast that itched like crazy. This got me thinking that the mysterious rash i had one year ago , was coming back. So naturally i was freaking out because that rash lasted for like 2 months and no dr could tell me what it was. So a few hours later My Lower back and my head started itching like crazy. I jumped in the shower. Me and my dad were going to go to GNC for clove oil for my toothache, on the way there my feet were itching like mad. While we were in GNC they gave us a sample of some calcium and vitamin d chew that tasted like honey. So when we got back home i had little bumps popping up all over my chest and arms rapidly. So im like ok, wth is going on. I sat and ate my lunch and about 4 00 pm i told my dad and hubby that i thought i was having an allergic reaction to something and i needed to go to urgent care. We got to the urgent care and the wait was insane and my itch now had spread all over and i looked like a crazy person. The people at the desk didnt seem to think it was all that important so hubby told me to tell them we were leaving to go to the ER. One the way to the er it just kept getting worse and worse and eventaully i had hives all over, my face, chest, tummy. and even the bottoms of my feet!! ABout an hour after being there they pulled me back so they could do the vitals and get me checked in to wait for a room. They gave me some benedryl pretty confident that it was an allergic reaction and sent me back to the waiting room. The itching slowed down a little bit and i started to clear up a very lil bit. After being there for four hours i finally got a room.
They hooked me up to an iv and gave me more benedryl some prednisone and a shot of epi for severe allergic reaction. They were thinking that it was caused by the bactrim. They kept an eye on me and things didnt really get worse so about 1 30 am the discharged me and gave me a script for prednisone and atarax and told me to take benedryl ever four hours. So we get home. I was going to wait on going to get my scripts until the morning so i could get them at my pharmacy. Yeah, i started breaking out again almost as soon as we got home so we went to walgreens and got the prednisone and some benedryl. Took the benedryl while we were still at walgreens and thought that should stop it for the night. Wrong. I got home and was getting worse and worse and my lip started swelling so at 2 30 in the morning i was on my way back to the er. I went up to the desk and told them i was just discharged and i was getting worse and they could clearly see that so they took me right back. My heart rate was up to like 113 or so at that point because i was starting to have a panic attack. SO they get me in the room and there was like four drs looking at me trying to figure out why i was still having this reaction after all that they had given me before. So this time, they hooked me back up on an iv, blew one vein in my arm and had to go through my hand which i will say is more comfortable then the arm. They gave me more benedryl and some pepcid through iv. They said stuff like pepcid can act as an antihistimine. They were going to give me another epi shot but my heart rate was at 131 so they couldnt. They are pretty convinced that it was the bactrim that i was taking for my toothavhe caused this. SO they monitored me very closely and i was so scared that my throat was going to swell shut. My lips were huge and my whole body was coverd in hives. Literally covered. Within about 2 hours the itching stopped and was starting to clear up the best that it was going to. SO they wrote me a prescription for an epi pen, and some pepcid. I left the hospital at  8 30 am on wednesday morning. went home and tried to sleep since it had been like 24 hours since i had, i couldnt i was itching like crazy. I went to the pharmacy and got my atarax. I took it and it was supposed to make everything better. It didnt. I turned completly red and itchy. Decided not to take that again. Around 4:00 pm my throat felt like it was starting to swell. I couldnt hardly talk, i was very hoarse. So i was rushed over to urgent care where they gave me more bendryl and a breathing treatment. They tested me for strep and it was positive. Woo hoo, just more crap to add to the list. Got my antibiotics for that.
Thursday: Woke up feeling like crud. My whole body felt like it was on fire. I was totally red. My hands and feet were very swollen. I could barely walk , i felt so weak. I could barely eat, nothing sounded good at all.  Itching like crazy. I just felt so horrible to the point that i was crying hysterically. Got some baking soda and sat with that and cool water in the tub. I was also running a fever at this time. I slept most of the day due to all the meds i was taking and lack of sleep. Was still pretty itchy at night and found myself sittin up and 2:00am putting tea bags on my toes because they were hurting and itching so bad. Slept most of the day again.
Friday, Today- woke up feeling mostly better. Still continuing the bendryl every four hours. Had some hives on arms and legs and feet and hands still swollen. Had a drs appointment today at five and doctor was almost 100 percent sure i had the allergic reaction to the bactrim. Its really the only thing that makes sense at this point. So i came home and decided to do some research on this antibiotic. Boy did i find some scary crap. It turns out , Bactrim is illegal in england due to being so dangerous. It has killed and almost killed quite a bit of people. The heart palpitations i had that sent me to the er in feb, were caused by the bactrim and so was all of this week. If they would have been smart enough at the er in feb, maybe none of this would have ever happened. I must say that this week has been scary as hell not only for me, but for those around me. please be careful with drugs like bactrim. Its terrible stuff and i beleive it should be taken off the market completly. Here is some info on that.
As of right now im feeling a lot better. The itching has almost stopped. Im still on the prednisone , benedryl and the Z pack antibiotics. Im retatining a lot of water, Drinking more than whats coming out! haha. Still a bit swollen but think im going to be ok. Sorry that post was so long but i just thought i should get the info out there. Hope everyone is doing well. Will write more later.

Friday, February 25, 2011

v day

Hey everyone!! Hope you all had a wonderful valentines day. I did. Hubby and i went to carrabas italian grill for dinner, which was amazing! They have the best italian food of any resteraunt ive ever been to! This year for valentines day i decided to make my hubbys card. ..

{cute right?!}

I thought so hehe. Geromy got me a really cute card....

Lol at first i just thought this card meant that it was fun trying to combine the different peices of our lives, so when the hubby said, why dont you think this is funny, i wonderd. So i looked at it again, and totally got it! lol lol too funny. I also got a very sweet surprise in the mail on valentines day from a fellow Cyster of mine, Jennifer :) It was very unexpected and very very cool

I hung the baby dust over my bed! :) Even though we took the month of feb. off ttc. March we will start again and im sure this baby dust will help us out so much!! Thanks again, Jennifer, your a great friend!

Here are a few more pics from valentines day...

{getting ready to leave for dinner}


Thursday, February 10, 2011

Whats going on with the world these days?

So i didnt sleep much last night. So after i dropped Lil Geromy off at school this morning i went back to bed with the intentions of waking up around ten to do the things around the house that need to get done. Well, my phone rings its hubby and i need to go back to the school to get Lil Geromy because hes sick and its already 12:30! Wow i pretty much slept half of the day away. So anyways, I am on my way to the school and on the side of the road i see a drug needle and beer bottles. I am thinking to myself, what kind of person would throw a used drug needle on the side of the road right in front of a school! What if some young child found it and picked it up and decided to play with it? :( its sad.
So anyways, we get home and Lil Geromy pulls out a nice mens guess watch! Im like wth lol. Where did this come from? He said he traded some kid for it, in exchange for this nice watch he traded a popper?? lol im thinking that this kid prolly took his dads watch or something? Need to call the school and find out. And then. I turn around and Lil Geromy is throwing up the west side gang sign. He said his friend taught it to him because his Friends dad is a "gangbanger" :O. I told him to not throw up signs like that and had to explain to him why it was not ok.
So moving along, I still have so much to do today and unfortunatly i can not find the energy to do and even if i did have the energy i wouldnt know where to start. The kitchen, the laundry, the bathroom, the living room, our bedroom. So many choices lol. I need to come up with some sorta routine for the day that way i can just get up and go in order to get things done. There should be a manual for stay at home wives on how to get everything done without feeling so overwhelmed. Oh and in addition to all of that stuff i have to do , i still have to cook dinner and take a shower. We need more hours in a day.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

A daily dose of rambles and opinions

Over the last few days i have had many things come up that i wanted to blog about. I just havent found the moment that i truly felt like blogging, until now.

{Michael Myers}

The first thing that i wanted to write about is, Children watching "R" rated movies. On facebook i got many opinions and thoughts on the topic. It seems that many people think that its a matter of how mature the child is. I agree with this, to a certain point. I am not the type that will freak out because their is bad language in a movie. I am talking about, blood, guts, gore, sexuality, and over all, psycho killers running around hacking up children. I believe that watching things like this can take the innocence of childhood away. I definitly do not think that movies like this are in anyway appropriate for children under like at least 10. Even then its still questionable. Geromy and I, Do not let my step son watch anything rated "R" at all. No questions about it, if its rated "R" he does not watch it. However he does watch a lot of PG 13 movies depending on why its rated PG 13. If its just for minor violence or language, usually its fine. Does this make us to strickt? I dont think so. Now we also have many reasons for being this way. Lil Geromy unfortunatly is not like most children his age. He has a lot of emotional and psychological issues going on that he is in therapy for.  He says and does things that you would never expect to hear from an 8 year old second grader. But, would it be any different with any of our other kids in the future? No. We still stand our ground on our beliefs of childhood innocence. I am in no way saying that people who allow this are bad parents. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and own ways of doing whats best for their children. But honestly i cant see letting little kids see such horrible things. Thats just  me.
Next of my list of things to write about.

Motherhood Vs. Stepmotherhood
Is their really a difference?
The other night i rented this movie. Motherhood. As i was watching it, it got me thinking. Why is it that stepmothers do not get the credit they deserve?? I do all the same things a mother does for my step son. We have him exactly half of the time, the same amount that his mother has him. So naturally i am just as big of a part of his life as his mother is. I wash his laundry, i help with home work, school projects, the dreaded disiplin when he needs it, the showers , the birthdays, the holidays, the goos, the bad, the sick times, the health times,the lectures on proper behavior, i cook, i clean, i sometimes run my self ragged while being a wife and step mother. Yet on mothers day, do i get any kind of big recognition? No. I think that step mothers are just as good as mothers. No we didnt deliver them ourselves, but we sure do go out of our way to take care of our children. Just saying. In many movies and cartoons, Step mothers are made out to be horrible and wicked and in reality most of the time its not like that at all. We just want acceptance. I do not have a big hairy wart on my nose. I just want the best for my step son and will do everything i can to make sure thats what he gets. I love him like he is my own.
So to sum it all up. Yes stepmothers are mothers too!
Here are a few pictures of my step son. :)

Monday, February 7, 2011


Its been quite sometime since ive given updates so here it goes. So the bfn was really a bfn which sucks but oh well. I decided to go on somewhat of a ttc break this month so havent really been temping or anything because i felt that if i didnt go on a break i might lose my sanity. Its to much stress month after month to see all those damn BFN's when i know i tried my ass off and did everything right. I know our time will come but that doesnt make things any easier. So this month im just kickin back, Next month we are going to try fertilaid. Ive heard some great things about that stuff.

Anyways, i ended up in the er about a week ago i was having issues with my heart. It kept skipping and stopping constantly and sometimes did it like three times in a row, i call them palpitations. Ive had them on and off before but never this bad and i was scared outta my mind. Of course the ekg didnt pick up on it because its such a short amount of time. They are not comepletly sure what was causing it so i have a follow up appointment on thrusrday to maybe be put on a heart monitor. Those palpitations that i was having like that only lasted about two days and pretty much stopped. So now i dont know if they will be able to catch them now.

So if that wasnt enough, two nights ago i woke up gasping for air and realized i had somehow vomited in my mouth while sleeping and was choking on it. Ugh that was so scary and horrible, ive never had anything like that happen before. I just dont understand why these things keep happening to me at such a young age.  I stopped drinking caffeine completly over a week ago, been drinking like 2 liters of water per day. Hopefully these changes help with everything, including the 30lbs i gained from the stupid fertility pills i took that didnt even work :(

Anyways, enough of that rambling lol. other than all that things are going just fine. Nothing really going on.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Award :o)

Again, im such a slacker. I dont know whats wrong with me lately but i can be sittin at the computer and totally just blow off blogging. Thats not what i want to do it just seems to happen. LOL  So first, i will start off with the " i love this blog award"

I got this award from Heather at " the road less traveled"

Here’s how this award works:
1. thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.
2. share 7 things about yourself.
3. award 7 recently discovered bloggers that are deserving.
4. contact those bloggers and let them know about the award.

7 things about myself:
  • I met my hubby on My Space in Feb 2007.  
  • I love italian food! 
  • I love watching movies especially those romantic comedies that set the expectations of love in real life to high. I believe this is why most people are unsatisfied with their love lives. :)
  • I am a huge twilight fan.
  • I went to school for medical assisting but never was able to find a job.
  • I Moved from phoenix arizona in 2002 to colorado springs, CO
  • I am medically obsessive lol. I google everything which i think adds to my anxiety.
I would like to award the following blogs. There are so many others I'd like to add to my list but I can only choose 7 so......

1. Elly at Tears of love, Tears of pain
2. Jennifer at jennie for your thoughts
3. Jessie  at   My happily Ever After
4. Candice at Survivng Life
5. Beckie at Beckie's Infertility Journey
6. Nicole at Nicoles Life Journey 7. Tille at  A nuttier Life

Thanks Heather!!


Thursday, February 3, 2011

Reason, Season, or lifetime?

This is another of my favorite poems/Quotes.  :)

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Been awhile again..

Well i have neglected my blog page again, what a bad blogger i am. I have had a lot going on lately so i really do have excuses!! I just thought i would write a quick post so people dont think i just dropped off of the planet :) I will write a nice, long post tomorrow about everything that has been going on! I hope you all are doing well :)

Monday, January 24, 2011

Life- thats just the way it is.

Sometimes i wish that i could just learn to accept that somethings in life just are the way they are. Nothing i can do or say would ever change the way there are. They just... are. Ive spent a good chunk of my life trying to think of ways to change certain things and people. Ive now learned that sometimes its just not possible. And, even though i have learned that, sometimes i can not just accept it.
I really dont think that there are many people that can say that their lives turned out EXACTLY how they wanted it to. I know i cant. At this point there are many things in my life that i saw happening differently. But all i can do is try to change the things i can and stop worrying about the things that i cant. I think i would have a lot less stress in my life if i could just  put this simple thing into play. i just have to learn to accept the things that i dont like. But how? How do you just learn to be ok with the things in life that really get to you? Anyways, thats about enough of my late night rambles. Hope you all have a wonderul night.

Project 365 day 5

Hims likes his cards hehe

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Project 365- Day 1

Yeah, so im a little bit late on this. But i just found out what it was. So basically its a challenge to post one picture per day for 365 days, the whole year. Since im late on this i will not sit here and try and catch up, ill just spend the next 365 days posting a picture everyday, yes that put me into 2012, im aware of that!! haha
Picture # 1
There it is folks. Another bfn. However, i feel kinda stupid for this because hubby pointed it out that i took it too early, and to make matters even worse i took one on the 16th too! HAHAHA Today i am 7dpo so i took these tests at 4dpo and 6dpo, idk what the heck i was thinking, But at least i still have the hope for this month. I gotta tell you tho, i really dont think it happened this month. IDK i could be wrong. I have a dr appointment on friday and im pretty sure im going to ask him to put me back on metformin. My weight has jumped up uncontrollably and im sick of it. I really dont eat alot. So this is just insane.
We are going to go tomorrow night and look at a house and i hope everything turns out great!!
well thats pretty much it for the night, i hope you all are doing well. :)

Wordless Wednesday

Monday, January 17, 2011

Its a monday

Yup, its that day again, Monday. Ugh i dont wanna do anything lol. I slept late today. Still getting very excited to be moving in the next couple of weeks. I decided that in celebration of MLK day i will be offering a complete blog design package for $30.00 instead of $75.00! Thats a big discount, contact me on facebook for more information. Hope you all have a super wonderful day :)

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Hello world.

Hello everyone. Today has been a pretty decent day other than the face that im totally out of energy and cant sleep at night so i sleep all day! IDK whats going on with all of that. Hormones are also a bit off as well. Im thinking that is due to ovulation. IDK. My temp spiked up really high yesterday and then dropped way low today. From what im understanding thats called fallback rise.?? LOL im not to worried about it, i know were covering all our bases ;)
So something pretty funny happened. I was still up around two am this morning and got hungry so i went to look in the freezer and what do i find of all things? A glitter gel glue pen. LOL i was like wth! But thats how you know you have a child in the same house. It was pretty funny. It was just "one of those moments that make you smile".
So it looks like we will be moving here pretty soon and i couldnt be more excited. Usually i would be blah about it but my hubby is a professional mover and he likes people to just stay outta his way so he can do it his way. Im sooo fine with that lol, i hate moving.
I completly redeisned BC Designs recently. A lot of new things going on over there on the page. I encourage you to check it out! To all my pcos cysters there is a special discount just for you! Contact me on facebook for more information on that.
Night night everyone.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Havent posted in a bit

Hello again. Once again i havent posting i have been soo busy. But here i am and things have finally calmed down and i have a few minutes. Today i am on CD 15 and either on ovulation day or 1dpo. Not sure, temp spiked up very high this morning, it was almost shocking really lol.We used preseed this month. three times so far and so far i like it but i must say-TMI- the applicator sucks! Ouch. All im saying is they may wanna design it a little bit better! Am i the only one who thinks this? Anyways im really praying that this is our month. It was the last month on meds for now and then its all natural from there- minus the preseed. On the topic of clomid. I think it made me gain weight.. at least ten lbs. I am not pleased with this outcome. AS if i didnt have enough problems with weight gain. I plan to order zumba soon. I am thinking that it looks fun, and would be something i could totally get into.
My blog design is doing better, im finally getting customers. I knew it would take sometime to get going. Well thats about all i have to say right now, pretty uneventful day today :)

Sunday, January 9, 2011

New things are coming

Hey all. Sorry i havent been posting, ive been busy with BC Designs. Things are going pretty well. Not much has been going on. Were getting more snow today, joy joy. LOL its pretty to look at but really i hate it! I prolly wont be posting for at least a few days as im finishing up other peoples designs as well as starting new designs for this blog and my BC Designs. Have lots of new things coming. If your interested in getting a new blog design feel free to email me @ or add me on facebook. Hope everyone is doing well.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Dont like my design

I am so indecisive lol. I wanna change my design for this page. Like really make a lot of changes to it. I know i do it too much but i just wanna make it the best that i can and i learn more everyday about webpage design. So sorry in advance if the page is off or not working properly. 

Thursday, January 6, 2011

A poem on PCOS


I wonder why these things happen to me,
I carry around a silent killer you see.

This could be a death sentence you know,
Since there is no cure, off to treatment I go.

Decisions decisions, tons to make,
Which kind of medicine do I take.

We endure the needles, tests, and exams
In hopes to feel healthy and normal again

Its odd to see that Drs don't know much more than me
For I have researched this disease too you see.

Several symptoms big our self esteem down
So don't be surprised when we wear a frown.

We need lots of support as each day goes by
Even if its someone we love calling to say Hi

The road that must be traveled is long and winding
But we keep on with hopes of a cure in hiding.

Day to Day, Meds to Meds
All the silly or odd things running thru our heads.

I'm going to keep fighting oh yes, in deed because this is what my LIFE,
my future, and my family needs

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Here without you baby

"Im here without you baby, but your still on my lonely mind, i think about you baby, and i dream about you all the time, im here without you baby, but your still with me in my dreams, and tonight its only you and me"
That song gets to me everytime. But really it says it perfectly. I dream about my baby all the time, usually its a boy. He is so cute and perfect and usually looks the same everytime i dream about my baby. It may sound crazy to some people and others know exactly what i mean. When im dreaming its all so real to me and i know that one day my dream will be a reality therefore i have decided that i will never give up until its real. Im usually not one to give up anyways. So if i have to spend the next 20 years trying i will. PCOS may have been making things harder and making it feel almost impossible but i think its just there to make me really cherish a miracle when it finally happens. PCOS is making my life hell is some areas, well alot of them really. My hormones get so out of whack that i cant even think straight sometimes. I get so moody. I have constant pelvic cramps that totally suck. The hair keeps growing in in places that it shouldnt. I hardly eat and yet i still gain the weight. My face breaks out like im a hormonal teenager just hittin puberty. Ugh it just sucks. But i have decided that i will not let it take over my life or define who i am. Its just another block in the road which life is full of. Hope you all have a wonderful day, and no matter what, always stay positive :)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

ugh, whats wrong with me

Ok i guess its about that time again where i am feeling just horrible about everything. So im sorry in advance if you read this only to wish you wouldnt have. Im having so many issues right now and i dont even know where to begin. First the word relaxation is not even in my dictonary. I dont know the last time that i felt relaxed and comfortable and im not sure why that is. I could be sittin doing nothing at all and im still tense and uptight and worrying my butt off. Not just about any one thing in particular, just EVERYTHING. I constantly feel like crud, im guessing i can thank PCOS for that one. Never have any energy to do anything anymore. I cant even sleep unless i take some sort of sleep aid and even then sometimes i cant or i wake up throughout the night. When i lay down to go to sleep something inside my head switches over to thinking mode and i cant turn it off!!!!

Infertility /PCOS journey link updated

Hey all, i just wanted to let you know that my link "infertility journey" at the top of the page is not updated. I posted my PCOS and Infertility story. Feel free to read it. Hope you all are having a wonderful day so far and i will be back later to write more.

Monday, January 3, 2011


Now that i know its too late to say that i wanna stay in the study, im starting to stress alot about getting pregnant. Im hoping this this cycle will work, currently on cd6 and day 4 of the clomid and i just dont know what i will do if i doesnt work this month. I kept telling myself that i would just keep charting and temping in every attempt to make sure that we dont miss ovulation, but what if ovulation doesnt happen? what if this study was my only shot at getting pregnant? I have found today that im more stressed than usual about this and kinda feel like im starting to get depressed about it. Why is it that women have to go through infertility like this when our bodies are designed to make babies to keep "life" going? its just not fair and im getting very frustrated with all of it. Am i not meant to be the one thing that i want to be most? ugh :( idk anymore. I dream all the time about having a baby and while im dreaming, its all so real. And then, i wake up feeling more and more sad everytime i realize that it was just a dream. I have so much love for a baby that i dont even have and wonder if i ever will. My life feels so incomplete right now and i hate it. When will it be my turn? I am trying to hard to not to turn bitter and angry over all of this but sometimes i just cant help it. I dont feel like i deserve this. I am mad. I am sad. I am devastated.  Sorry if this was a depressing post but its just how im feeling right now.
Night all.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Happy new year, 2011

My first post of 2011! Woo hoo im very excited to start a new year and am praying that things go better this year than they did the last. Last year wasnt as bad as some years that i have gone through but it is def not what i would consider a good year thats for sure. This year my hopes and dreams are as follows:
Get pregnant!!
Better my relationships
Learn to eat a healthier diet
Get my Bc Designs busniess really going
and many many more things. I dont wanna set my expectations too high for myself only to feel like a failure if i dont accomplish all the things that i wanted to. Thats why i call them "my hopes for 2011".
Tommorrow i am going to start some kind of workout routine to hopefully help with my infertility issue that i face again this year. My plan is to start out working out at least 2 or 3 days a week and go from there. I am currently on CD 5 and day 3 of clomid, my last round of it. I am soo hoping that it works for us this round, what a way that would be to start the new year huh?!
Nothing much has really been going on the last few days, i redesigned my blog design page! In my opinion it looks great :) I have had a toothache thats been causing a headache that just makes me miserable. Ugh. Watched some new movies over the last few days. Other than that, nada!
Night all.