Thursday, December 30, 2010

thoughts thoughts and more thoughts

Today has been a rough day for me for many of reasons. So if youve had a great day and dont feel like reading my bitchiness i will understand lol. I have for one decided that im not going to continue this study. I will take the last round of pills i have and pray that it works. Its just too stressful dealing with the dr visit every two weeks or so and the blood draws and the ultrasounds and the pills and the charting and temping. The negative pregnancy test really screw with me every month too. I have found that i am so stressed out that i am snapping at everything and everyone about anything. I am constantly on edge and it sucks. Its making everything in my life seem like its 100 times worse than it really is and truthfully i cant stand myself for it. I dont intend on stopping the whole ttc thing, maybe just not trying as hard, I feel like i am a slave to infertility and i think its ruining my life haha. So i will continue temping and tracking ovulation and am even thinkin about going back on metformin. In the future i may decided to go back full force but now is totally not the time. Maybe stressing a bit less will even help. Being in a study for fertility was a bit more than i thought it would be. I mean, you have to BD according to their schedule or you cant even be in it. Now that was prolly the hardest thing hubby and i dealt with. It even caused us to fight a couple of times. So that just added more stress lol Anyways, moving right along...
Since i got 7th heavens first two seasons and watched them all, i have this sudden urge to be like annie camden.
This is seriously like a modern day supermom. She does everything! Seriously, who has time in one day to do all the things that she does. Raise 5 kids, deal with all their problems, keeps her husband happy, cooking, baking, cleaning, laundry. wow she is my role model lol lol Yeah i told my hubby tonight that i want to be like her, still got a ways to go but i think i can do it! I truly wanna be a stay at home wife and mother and dammit thats what im going to do!
so my plans for tomorrow is to clean. Like really clean. I live with three guys and its almost impossible to keep this place clean! Is it really that hard to put the toilet seat down??? I dont think so. Im telling you, one of these days my butt is going to get stuck in the toilet bowl and it wont be too funny to have to call the fire department to get me out!! HaHa ok maybe a little funny, but come on guys, have some respect for the lady in the house!
I think while im at it i will go through everything in the house and get rid of some stuff. I think we may have to much randomness going on over here. Ok well thats enough of my thoughts for the night. LOL night all

1 comment:

  1. Sorry you are feeling down today. IF treatments definitely take a toll physically and emotionally. I hope you have good luck trying on your own and maybe the more relaxing approach will bring good results!!!